How to form habits in 3 simple steps
I’m a big fan of looking up word definitions in the dictionary. Maybe it’s because I’m an English learner, but I’ve now been at this second language thing for 24 years, so I think it’s beyond not knowing the definition of certain words.
Turning to the dictionary is a habit I picked up during my PhD.
My dissertation chair, an English learner as well (with two doctorate degrees), taught me that one single word can alter the meaning of a sentence altogether and to carefully select words that fully align with the point I’m trying to make.
So, let’s study the word habit a bit. According to dictionary.com, habit means “an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.”
Key words: acquired, regularly followed, almost.
There are three facts about habits that might go unnoticed:
Habits are learned (acquired)
Habits are continuously practiced (regularly followed)
Habits still require a little effort (almost involuntary)
For a behavior to form into a habit, it must first be acquired, then practiced over and over and over, and finally, it must continue to be chosen over any alternative action. Every action is voluntary, even after a behavior has become a habit. It’ll be a much easier choice once it has become a habit, almost like second nature, but it’ll still require a tiny bit of effort from you because, ultimately, you always have different options before you.
Here are three examples of habit formations:
Brushing your teeth. When you were a child, a parent most likely taught you how to brush your teeth—you acquired the knowledge. As you got older, the parent let you brush your teeth on your own (although they probably kept you in check!)—you regularly followed the learned behavior. As an adult, you take good care of your teeth, without needing mom or dad to remind you to brush them; but, you still tell yourself it’s time to get them brushed when you roll out of bed every morning. You don’t argue with yourself about it because it’s become an almost involuntary action.
Eating healthy. When you start the process of eating healthy, you first learn what to eat, things to avoid, and the why behind your pursuit (acquiring the behavior). Second, you start making one right choice after another (regularly followed). Finally, you continue to choose a healthy option because you’ve reaped benefits of weight loss, gut regularity, or sleep and energy improvement. It’s no longer tremendously sacrificial, but you still have to say “no” to certain things you know should be avoided (almost involuntary).
Reading (regarding the habit of reading, not the act of learning to read). You decide you want to become a reader to learn, grow, and explore endless possibilities, so you make a choice to make reading a part of your daily moments (acquire the behavior). You set time aside each day to pick up a book and read (regularly follow the behavior). Eventually, you always have a book going (almost involuntary); however, you must still choose to continue to set time aside to pick up a book, leaving out whatever other activity you could be doing at that moment.
Any habit (smoking, drinking coffee, exercising, making your bed, drinking water, running, going to bed at a decent time, playing video games, etc.) follows the same exact pattern that is included in the definition of the word. They are all acquired behaviors that have been regularly followed and, in turn, become almost involuntary (or second nature). And they all required a behavior change.
Now, what about forming habits? What does the process look like if you are ready to establish some healthy habits? Whether it’s positive talk in your parenting, writing more often, or being more intentional with your time, they all start with the same pattern I’ve mentioned all along: 1. The behavior will be acquired, 2. It will have to be regularly followed, 3. So it becomes almost involuntary. Using that information, let’s look at three steps to forming healthy habits.
3 Steps to Creating Great Habits
Zig Ziglar said, “you were born to win. But to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.”
Those three steps—plan, prepare, and expect (PPE) are going to work every single time you try to form a new habit. It’s the recipe to succeed with any new habit you want included in your life!
1. Plan
You first must have a plan.
What habit are you going to establish? What will help you reach that goal?
Example 1: Save money— why is behavior change needed in your life? Set a financial goal.
Example 2: Screen time boundary— how will this new habit work? Start with a realistic goal and write a screen boundary plan that will work for the people in your family.
Example 3: Get more sleep— what's at the core of this behavior change? Research from the National Heart, Lunch, and Blood Institute shows that "adults who sleep less than 7 hours a night may have more health issues than those who sleep 7 or more hours a night"(https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/sleep/how-much-sleep). This finding may suffice to the habit formation.
2. Prepare
Then you prepare for that plan.
What plan did you create? What do you need to accomplish that plan, break of habits, and form new ones?
Example 1: Save money—grocery shop and eat more at home, avoid going to stores so you’re not tempted to have an unexpected shopping spree, wait on purchasing the newer model of your current paid off vehicle, include the kids on the journey, and make coffee at home.
Example 2: Screen time boundary—introduce the new plan to them, set a timer and tell them to turn things off when the time is up, be consistent with the plan, and hold each other accountable to the new goal.
Example 3: Get more sleep—develop a bedtime routine, get the kids to bed on time, turn work off appropriately, turn phone on sleep mode, take a warm shower before bed, read a few pages, or anything that will help you unwind mentally, physically, and emotionally.
3. Expect
After you created a plan and prepared for that plan, you expect to succeed. You make up your mind that you will establish that new great habit you so desire because you will follow through again, again, and again.
But don’t forget that a habit doesn’t get established overnight. In fact, you’ve probably heard that it takes 21 days for a behavior to become a habit—by the way, there are contradicting studies to this belief. Here’s one of them where researchers Lally et al. (2009) found the range being from 18 to 254 days before behaviors became almost involuntary to study participants. Regardless of how long it takes, stick to it because the new habit will enrich your life.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, said it like this: "When choosing a new habit many people ask themselves, 'What can I do on my best days?' The trick is to ask, 'What can I stick to even on my worst days?' Start small. Master the art of showing up. Scale when you have the time, energy, and interest."
Additionally, remember that once a habit has formed, it’ll continue to require minor efforts and intentionality on your part. Because life is full of options—to shower or not shower? To sleep or watch another show? To scroll through your phone or read a book? To give in to your child’s tantrum or be consistent in your parenting?
If you’ve failed time and time again forming habits, it can be difficult to give “habits” another shot. Your last attempt to create new habits was a complete failure, so why would you succeed this time around? Because this time you will 1. plan, 2. prepare, and 3. expect to succeed.
Whether it takes 21 days or 264 days to form a great habit, a healthy habit will pay dividends for the rest of your life after it’s been established! Why? Because it’ll take less mental capacity. You won’t have to “argue with yourself” if you should or shouldn’t go to the gym… if you should or shouldn’t turn the TV off… if you should or shouldn’t send your child to time-out.
When you’ve established great habits, the tiny conversation in your mind becomes really easy and brief. You’ll say “yes” to the things you want and “no” to those that distract you from being the person/parent/spouse you want to be.
Check out drkellycagle.com for more blog posts like this, additional resources, as well as episodes from the Parenting IQ podcast to help you bring learning to daily moments.
References
Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H., Potts, H. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/habit
https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/sleep/how-much-sleep
DID YOU ENJOY THIS BLOG??? SUBSCRIBE TO OUR LIST BELOW TO RECEIVE THEM DIRECTLY TO YOUR INBOX WHEN THE MOST RECENT ONE RELEASES!
If you learned something from this blog, we want others to LEARN and GROW as well!
Follow us on these platforms below and share this blog!
We’re on Pinterest! Share and save this to your board!
HEY THERE! I’M DR. CAGLE… DO YOU NEED HELP WITH CREATING GREAT HABITS???
Parenting is hard work. It requires tons of boundaries, daily consistency, so much awareness, as well as lots of patience, grace, wisdom, and filters. Combine that hefty list with all of life’s demands and others’ voice may become louder than yours in your child’s life, increasing their anxiety, fears, and doubts.
Healthy parenting is about seeing yourself as your child’s #1 teacher, saying the right words (or nothing at all) at the right time, and having the right tools to be intentional and impactful. Guessing your way through life, which is what most parents do, is a recipe for failure, but following the lead of someone who has two decades of research-based information and fully understands the demands of parenthood is a recipe for a full life— for you and your child.
With a PhD in education, I’m here to teach you how to use daily moments are learning opportunities so you raise confident and competent lifelong learners that thrive in an ever-changing world.
Additionally, I offer workshops and keynotes on various topics to parents, educators, students, and business leaders— because the need to understand, support, and empower learners is everywhere.
Let’s get started with the next step to form habits and get your house HEALTHY!
