3 REASONS "I DON'T KNOW" IS A GREAT ANSWER FOR KIDS
More than I'd like to admit, "I don't know" is a constant answer I give my kids to their (constant) questions. But I will 100% continue to give my kids that answer.
Why is it appropriate and actually wise to use “I don’t know” as a response? Because, as their #1 teacher, I'm teaching them three important life lessons: humility, honesty, and curiosity.
1. Humility
It shows them I’m not too proud to admit that I don’t know the answer to a question.
Henry Ford, the founder of Ford Motor Company, answered “I don’t know” several times when being interrogated by lawyers who were trying to prove his incompetency to run a super successful business. And, they thought they pegged him and his lack of intelligence after getting so many “I don’t know” responses from Ford.
What they didn’t know is why Ford confidently gave them that answer time and time again... “Because I know what I need to know to run the most successful motor company in the world, and anything else is just clutter in my head. If I ever need to know something, I have one of my assistants look it up in a book.”
MIC DROP.
Rather than allowing his lack of knowledge make him feel inferior or not good enough, Ford understood how to keep his mind clear to do his job-- free of clutter, distractions, and unnecessary information. In his humilty, he showed his strength.
Like one of the most successful business minds, be wise to know a lot about what you NEED to know and humble enough to say that you just don’t know the rest… because maybe it’s just clutter knowledge anyway.
2. Honesty
Do you want your kids to be honest with you? Then lead with honesty.
When they ask you a question that you don't know the answer to, tell them! Because it'll lead to this next fantastic opportunity.
3. Curiosity
“I don’t know... but I can’t wait to learn about it/find out!”
That exact answer landed me my first teaching job, after my very first interview.
In a room with three administrators, two school counselors, and a lead teacher, I was asked what I thought about project-based learning. I was a brand-new college graduate enrolled in an alternative certification program to get a teaching license. I had NEVER heard about project-based learning.
With much enthusiasm, I humbly and honestly answered:
“I actually don’t know about project-based learning. But I can’t wait to find out about it!”
My gut hurt after the interview, but I also knew I gave it my best.
I got a call an hour after leaving the interview with a job offer.
A side note: this interview was almost 12 years ago, and I still remember the question that I answered “I don’t know” to. Why? Because it sparked my curiosity!
I left the interview and immediately googled “project-based learning.”
During the first day of in-service, I most definitely was ready to engage in all the discussions with the seasoned teachers.
Humility, honesty, and curiosity—all traits we want our children to have, right?!
I also want to emphasize two additional benefits about using “I don’t know” in your home: how it benefits the parent and how it benefits the child.
How it benefits the parent
When parents use the response, they let go of the responsibility of feeling like they always have to have an answer. Regardless of how wise of a parent you are, you don’t have the answers to every single question.
So, by telling your child that you don’t know the answer to their question, you take the pressure off of you to “perform.” Parenting is not a performance; it’s not a competition.
You’ll NEVER know everything. Just face it! The better news: there’s NOTHING wrong with that.
Like the successful CEO, Henry Ford, fill your mind with things that are important to your work, whether your job is running a multi-million-dollar business or your home.
Be selective with the wisdom you hold in your head.
Here’s what you can tell your kid instead: “What a great question! I think you should Google that! Or, ask Alexa.”
With that response, you are teaching them to become problem solvers. You’re teaching them that they can research solutions to their own problems; that when a question arises, they can look it up, instead of depending on others for answers.
How it benefits the children
Aside from using these “I don’t know” moments to teach them researching skills, what also benefits your children about being recipients of this answer is that mom or dad is leading by example.
They are experiencing first-hand a humble and honest parent, rather than one who tries to be all-knowing.
Truthfully, only God is all-knowing.
Show your children that it’s OK to not know the answer to every question.
When they practice this skill at home, your kids will be more confident when having to answer “I don’t know” to the teacher’s question in front of 30+ peers.
But also emphasize that just because the answer to a question is unknown, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to find out. If something really matters, proceed with curiosity and search for the response.
Curiosity is a very good thing. Allow that to flourish in your kids!
One final thought:
We’re raising a generation that doesn’t have to go to the library and dig through encyclopedias and tons of books to find answers.
The answers are within their fingertips. It’s truly invigorating.
But there’s also a caution: anyone can pose as an expert.
Just because you saw a YouTube video where the creator “said so,” or read a Wiki, or saw a TikTok, doesn’t mean it’s real or true.
This is an essential research skill to teach your children! Teach them how to find credible sources, browse the internet, and most importantly, to always talk to you about their questions, even when they know your answer will probably be “I don’t know.”
You are their filter.
They’re learning what and who to believe.
Teach them to be humble, honest, curious, and that you are always trustworthy.
Check out drkellycagle.com for more blog posts like this, additional resources, as well as episodes from the Parenting IQ podcast to help you bring learning to daily moments.
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HEY THERE! I’M DR. CAGLE… DO YOU NEED HELP WITH CREATING GREAT HABITS???
Parenting is hard work. It requires tons of boundaries, daily consistency, so much awareness, as well as lots of patience, grace, wisdom, and filters. Combine that hefty list with all of life’s demands and others’ voice may become louder than yours in your child’s life, increasing their anxiety, fears, and doubts.
Healthy parenting is about seeing yourself as your child’s #1 teacher, saying the right words (or nothing at all) at the right time, and having the right tools to be intentional and impactful. Guessing your way through life, which is what most parents do, is a recipe for failure, but following the lead of someone who has two decades of research-based information and fully understands the demands of parenthood is a recipe for a full life— for you and your child.
With a PhD in education, I’m here to teach you how to use daily moments are learning opportunities so you raise confident and competent lifelong learners that thrive in an ever-changing world.
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