The Best Ingredient To Success
People think that extreme intelligence and a doctoral degree go hand in hand. I beg to differ.
I’m not extremely intelligent with a super high IQ. I am, however, a very determined person. In my opinion, determination trumps intelligence when it comes to one’s outcome every single time-- whether in education, business, or life.
Let me explain this synopsis with two personal stories.
First Story
I never took the SAT’s. I was so scared I would bomb it. I chose a route (community college) where that wasn’t a prerequisite. For graduate school, I found a program that wouldn’t require a GRE score. Because, once again, I was terrified to take a test and get a terrible score.
When I began to entertain a doctorate program, I knew I could no longer avoid a standardized test. I researched various programs, primarily focusing on the minimum GRE score for acceptance (no joke).
I studied for 6 months and got a terrible score the first time I took the GRE. I was upset, but not shocked.
I looked up more online practice tests, study guides, books, and signed up for a preparatory course at TCU. I exhausted my options, made flash cards, studied for hours every day, and carried my study tools in my purse to always have them within reach.
After one month, I took the test again because I had a deadline to meet for program applications. My scores increased by 20%. A large increase, but still short of some program’s requirements.
“Whatever, I’m not paying $205 or sweating that 6-hour test again. Maybe some colleges overlook these scores entirely and account for my 4.0 graduate school GPA ,” I thought.
While I waited to hear from the three universities where I sent applications, a dear friend and mentor (Dr. Thelisa Nutt) told me (at my third child’s baby shower…), “Kelly, you’ll get some no’s. When you read those letters, they’ll crush you. But, some of your no’s will be your best yes’.” Ooooh did I need to hear that… and I didn’t even know it yet.
My first letter was… you guessed it, a big NO. “We wish you the best of luck in your future pursuits.” Sure, you do.
Through the tears, my friend’s words rang in my head: “some no’s will be your best yes’.”
I hesitated to tell Josh. I was embarrassed. Sad. Disappointed. How could this no will be my best yes?
On March 5, 2018, I got my first yes! I was ecstatic! Because, they DID override the minimum requirement I didn’t meet… a side not here, 5 days later, my water broke, and we found out we had a third boy!!
March 21, 2018, I got my second yes! And a follow up email to request a lunch date with the dean and the doctoral program administrator. Perks of having dear friends that have connections (Desi Henk!).
Things got exciting then—I had two options!
Here’s the overview:
that 1st no: was a program I was unsure I wanted to pursue. I would have to be a graduate assistant part-time (at the time, I had a 1st grader, a 21-month old, and an infant). On top of doctoral classes… it would have been TOUGH. But, “tough” isn’t a synonym of “impossible”, so I pursued the program.
that 2nd letter, the 1st yes: was a fantastic opportunity— one of the only K-16 program in the state and an in-person experience.
the 3rd letter, the 2nd yes: was a hybrid model, ideal for a family. But I really wanted a full in-person experience, especially since my masters was online.
Anyway, my friend was right! That first no led to the best yes.
Second Story
I chose the first program that sent the offer (The University of Texas at Arlington) for several reasons.
The first day of class in August of 2018, I was as giddy as a little kid on Christmas morning. I met the other 13 cohort members with whom I would spend the next two years.
Then I started the doctoral reading and writing… with a (haaaard) 5-month old, a (haaaard) 2-year old, and a 2nd grader.
Knowing I had maintained a 4.0 GPA during my master’s program, my wonderful friend (Dr. Nutt, again) had provided additional wisdom during our conversation at my baby shower that same day. “Kelly, A’s are great. But B’s are also acceptable. Even C’s will get you a diploma! Don’t overthink your grades.”
“To me, being on time is late. Being early is actually being on time. Likewise, B’s and C’s are mediocre. And I don’t like being mediocre. But, okay. I’ll listen to the advice from a friend that has experienced the severity of the doctoral program’s requirements. Maybe I’m still naïve to fully comprehend that advice,” I thought.
As I was getting acclimated during my first semester, I got decent feedback from one professor. On the other hand, a second professor provided harsh, tear inducing criticism. More than making me question my intelligence (which, once again, I already knew was insufficient), I began to question if my determination was going to suffice in that environment.
I ended that first semester with an A and a B. Of course, I cried. I was disappointed that being an English learner was finally “limiting” my academic performance.
My wise friend’s words rang in my head… “Kelly, A’s are great. But B’s are also acceptable. Even C’s will get you a diploma! Don’t overthink your grades.”
After that first semester, I was even more determined. I worked extra hard. I read academic articles every single day. Even when no assignments were due, I was reading. I was writing ahead. I was exploring dissertation topics. I never did nothing.
Fast forward to May 2021, and my name was the third to get called during the ceremony. Me along with another classmate, Dr. Jorriod Moore, crossed the finish line. We did it!
The wonderful professor that hooded me, Dr. Catherine Robert, didn’t ask for my GPA or how many A’s, B’s, or C’s I had before she put the hood around my neck. She smiled, hugged me, and told me, "congratulations! You did it!" I had an email in my inbox within five minutes of receiving my diploma from my amazing dissertation chair, Dr. Maria Trache, as she watched the ceremony live. No reference of my academic performance was mentioned in that email either.
I worked very closely with both professors during my doctoral journey, and they were well aware of my determination. I’m pretty sure they’ve seen several better dissertations in their lifetime. However, I met every deadline they set, whether in class or during the dissertation process, and consistently worked hard for them.
I share all this to say that I equate 100% of my PhD to my determination, not my intelligence.
I wanted it. I fought for it. I gave it my all. And success followed.
So, if you think that a child has to be a straight A student to be successful (however you define “success”), you're wrong.
Sure, a lot of universities look at class ranks, GPAs, and standardized test scores to determine a child's ability to succeed.
Sure, school comes easy to some. There are kids who are truly geniuses and extremely gifted.
I’m neither of those, nor did I have a plethora of high grades following my application. But, by golly, I am determined.
I’m not sure how all my kids will perform during their entire school trajectory. But from what I see so far, I don’t have any academic prodigies in my house.
I do, however, have kids that give it their ALL—at school, church, on the soccer field, learning flips on the trampoline or the diving board, building with Magna-Tiles…wherever!
Work ethic is important. In fact, it’s essential to achieving success.
In my opinion, my kids’ determination will get them to whatever destination they want to reach, just like me. Whether it’s a soccer career or a PhD of their own.
I once met the famous baseball catcher Pudge Rodriguez in a group setting. Someone from our group asked what advice he would give her son who wants to become a professional baseball player. I loved his answer.
“Always listen to your mami y papi, and always work hard,” was the hall of famer’s advice.
So, what’s the best ingredient to one’s success? Determination.
Determination trumps intelligence every single time.
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